Man, you seemed confident, respectful and mature. It was a pleasure to flirt, playing Shakti and Shiva, consecrating our time together to the Divine Couple and evolving through tantra. Finally, I could share my aspiration for Truth and unconditional Love.
But you asked twice. And for that, you lost a bit of my respect.
I thought the so-called « conscious communities » were places where men and women could live together without being fearful of expressing their truth. And as I observed most of the time, they actually can. They free themselves from layers of conditioning and programing, and act from a deeper, truer place in their heart, accepting fully what they are. They know their own limits and have respect for them, while knowing the limits of others and respecting them even more.
This is what I call conscious people. And those are the ones I’d like to reach in priority, not people still suffering from societies heavy pressure, not yet aware of their patterns and limiting beliefs. I’m talking to those who like to think they are « new age adepts », « advanced spiritual people » or « gurus ».
To bargain one’s belief
We can debate on a subject, that is absolutely not a problem. We can sit and talk about the tantric approach to sexuality, the notion of karma and what it implicates. It’s perfectly fine. We might disagree, because I’m supposedly less advanced, having a different faith or whatever. The fact is that we are both valid and right. We can debate and I might change my mind after a discussion but you can not bargain my beliefs.
Especially in the context of love making, because of the sacred space we create. Not understanding that is very damageable. In that space where communion should be the only rush, when our respective belief systems merge and generate the most incredible experience ever, then total acceptance for whatever comes up, or in other words, unconditional Love, should rise.
You heard no.
You asked, and you heard no. About the condom, about anal sex, about blow job, about anything. The fact is, she said no for a reason. And even if you didn’t ask why, which is rare, often she justifies herself, because she feels she owes you an explanation. If the subject is something important for you, maybe it would have been smarter to have that discussion before taking those pants off, but so be it. Now at least, it’s clear.
But then, the full « presence, openness and love » attitude of your so-called spiritual being cracks. On the back of your head you still somehow think that she might change her mind if you are convincing enough, or worse, that she might just comply. And instead of being only love, 100% attentive to what is happening, truly free from any expectations and detached from your ego, that « no » is still being processed.
Let’s be clear: I don’t mean the « no » of any roleplay, but the real answer to a personal question. Don’t mix it because many are using that distinction to find excuses to non excusable actions.
And then you lost my respect.
Again, discussing, debating about an important topic (I mean, sex is a very important one right?), many times, is very much appreciated by everyone. This is why it shouldn’t be quickly solved while it’s happening.
When a grown-up man, with a healthy ego and a supposedly more elevated consciousness is mature, he understands that. I agree that you’re still a human. I agree that we might embody the Supreme Couple pretty well and that could drive us higher and higher at each moment. But our aspiration for the Oneness is yours + mine. Our energy comes from both of us. And if you try suddenly to change my way, well, guess what, it’s not working anymore.
So when you ask the same thing, a second time, insisting, probably just following your desire (you’re not so conscious anymore all of a sudden, hm?), remembering perfectly this « no » you’ve heard before, instead of feeling bad and reconsidering my beliefs and boundaries to please you, I may feel very disappointed. And in the same row, because I’m not perfect, I may lose a bit of respect for the advanced spiritual being that you pretend to be.
I’m grateful for having been there, much more than expected, with the distance I got from a long journey through Femininity, inner strength and confidence. Because I want to warn my sisters and brothers who might feel guilty or cornered by such persons. Those are wonderful people, usually with beautiful intentions and true aspirations for the Divine, but keep in mind that the most mature and conscious lovers do not ask twice.
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Wow nice article cheri!
Aaaaand whops found myself just a tiny bit (goddamnit) in that for which I am torn between pissed and grateful. Guess I go with grateful as your arguments make sense and feel right. Its just always tough to let desires go.
Your honesty is priceless Matthis, thank you so much for that! And I know that often, this behaviour is unconscious and that the man doesn’t have bad intentions… But what could be seen as a detail can become a great struggle for the one who is asked. If you bring the energy of those unfulfilled desires higher, to anahata chakra, I promise you won’t have any problem to let them go 😉 Sending you courage and love to go through on that ❤
Merci pour ça, pour cette force qui émane de ton article, cette force qui vient du fait de s’assumer soi et ses limites ! Ca m’aide à moi aussi m’assumer moi et mes limites.
Attérie sur ton blog via Juan que j’ai connue à Agama Colombia. Et là je me dis que c’était trop simple, à l’époque, de ne pas m’écouter pour l’écouter lui « qui sait ». Trouver sa place, la prendre, avec tout ce que te disent tes trippes… C’est ça, vraiment s’aimer. Encore merci !
Bonsoir Alice et merci pour ton message ! Malgré leurs travers, ceux sur notre chemin font du mieux qu’ils peuvent, comme ton toi qui ne s’écoutait pas. Pas facile de s’entendre vraiment… mais quand tu réussis à avoir de la compassion pour eux comme pour toi, il devient plus facile de trouver la paix, et de respecter ses limites. 🙏