As I keep studying sexuality, mine and others’, many things come up. Recently, I noticed that one topic was very often mentioned by my girlfriends and quite ignored by men, not on purpose but just by lack of consciousness and communication. Here is the very exciting subject of penetration.

A state of mind

Let’s say that you had enough of the erotic play and you both are craving for more. You feel the reciprocal attraction, the heat rising in your body. You may feel the energy buzzing at the level of your second chakra, maybe somewhere else depending on the direction you gave to it. You are strongly connected to your partner and could almost read his/her mind.

That is when your bodies come together. When the Yang celebrates the Yin, when you want to receive, honor and love your partner. When you have the brutal understanding of your duality and the universal call for the original Union, when what is dual become One.

That should be your state of mind when penetration occur.

There is a lot to say about the moment before penetration and the ways the man check if the woman is ready. Especially the fast « cuddle-kiss-stroke > is-she-wet? > not yet. > cuddle-kiss-stroke > is-she-wet? > not yet?! > cuddle-kiss-stroke… », as well as the difference between her yoni being wet and being open. But that is not the topic here.

What does it mean?

This moment of penetration is the threshold of something even deeper and powerful. At that moment, you are unifying what has been separated at the moment of your incarnation, you are having an interaction that can create another human being. You are entering a temple, something absolutely Divine and Sacred.

You do not need to resonate with any spiritual practice to understand and see how this moment is precious and crucial. However, that is often done (wayyyyyy) too quickly with a low awareness.

In or out

« That is very subjective », « What does too quickly mean? », « Some like it. » All right then, just ask your partner. I’ll talk about man/woman intercourses here, because those are the stories I hear about the most. Too quickly means that often man consider that there is only two options: either I am outside her yoni/vagina, either I am inside. Very binary, but no blame: it is just a lack of consciousness.

It seems that at the moment penetration is announced, it happens. Even more if the couple is using a condom. As if the penetration-outfit being worn, there’s no turning back anymore. The lingam/penis is outside and suddenly, done, it is inside.

Penetration is a process.

Being penetrated by an idea is that moment when you are merging with it. You are embracing its form, you feel deeply its energy. That is not happening in once. This is a process.

Same with the sexual penetration. This is a process.

The yoni is maybe ready to receive the lingam, she can swell and flow, at the moment of penetration she is welcoming a stranger at hers. She was chilling on her couch watching an erotic movie when someone knocked on the door. Even if her lover is behind, imagine the effect when he is coming right away, slamming the door and pushing her in the living room while taking his clothes off. Yeah, that is not sexy, that’s rude.

Wait, that could be sexy. That could be a roleplay, that could be wanted by both partners, alright. Just know that most of the time, the man penetrates the woman entirely, in 2 or 3 times, and that is too quick. Even 5 times is too quick. Let me explain what would be a master penetrator.

How women want to be penetrated.

Speaking from my own experience, nuanced and combined with many testimonies, I can suggest a way how women in general want to be penetrated. Therefore, how men could penetrate women.

The Art of making Love

Connect and relax

Women can unconsciously fear that moment because they know it’s gonna be done too quickly. You can see this if the woman has a small jump when you approach her and your lingam touches her inner thighs, even softly. Then she keeps small tensions in her body while making love and energy cannot flow freely.

• Just put the tip of the lingam at the entrance of the yoni with no pressure and stay here.
• Breathe together, and look at each other. You have no idea how many men enjoy looking at their lingam entering the yoni better than looking at their partner. It does not help to feel connected and to surrender.

The man will feel the woman relaxing and can perceive the yoni pulsating. She opens up and the conscious man can feel her energy absorbing him inside. His lingam is welcome!

Slow the fuck down (literally)

There is no need to rush and that moment is crucial. Go slowly, and even when you think you are going slowly, go even slower.

Millimeter by millimeter, enter the yoni. Two options according what you prefer:

1. Enter few millimeters, then come out. Come again few millimeter deeper and then come out. Be very attentive on your way to come out as well! Remember that is included in the process.
2. Enter few millimeter and stay. Wait until you feel the lingam is sucked deeper and go a little deeper. Stop and wait. Continue until full penetration and stay together, deeply connected, before starting to move again. 

Going slower often sounds boring and pleasure-killer for the man. Well, going too quickly (too soon) is numbing and painful for the woman.

There is a real need for the masculine to learn how to stay connected to the woman and to feel her pleasure. That is when speed becomes insignificant and when a couple is finding pleasure on its way of making love and not taking the pleasure.

Coming soon: A way to tantric orgasms: receiving/finding the pleasure versus taking it.

Stop masturbating with her body

That can sound rude and that can also be a conscious play between both partners, but that is what it can feel like for the woman when you men go rabbit style. Beginners mistake but advanced practitioners’ when pleasure takes over you. You disconnect from her and you go alone for your orgasm-race. You can do that if she agrees. But you are not making love with your partner anymore.

Check with yourself if you are running after pleasure and good sensations or if you are present.

Woman, 3 things to help your man making the shift

If asking for change seems too difficult right away, do baby steps:

• First, talk. Open the discussion about what your sexuality represents. Bring your loved one to reconsider the art of Love making: realize the sacredness of Love and its creative energy.
• Reconnect to your partner by massages, talks, plays, eye-gazing, sincere explorations.
• When you feel ready, express your need and remind him if you feel he is drawn away by his pleasure. Learn new ways to love and be patient: enjoy the process!

Stand for your body, for your mind and your soul.

With Love, Claire.