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The more I listen to what happens in bed (I mean, in so called « regular/normal sexuality », the one in Hollywood movies, in advertisement, in the world of popular medias, so the one in MOST beds around us), the more I get upset. I know I have not done my work fully, and without a doubt I still have some years to live to understand the human being, but I can’t help, my aspiration for Truth and for the purest connexion with myself, between me and my partner, me and the Divine, is very strong. So strong, that I see anger, frustration and sadness coming from a deep place within me when I witness people not being in touch with their truth, with their feelings, with their patterns and behaviors. Instead of the compassion and understanding I would show in 2016 and 2017, today I feel exasperated and tired. One thing is my own struggle with being back in France, and all the old habits coming with it. Same freaking mental patterns, same attitude toward familiar circumstances, but with another, clearer, sharper consciousness upon it.
Also, after having experienced the most beautiful, deep, sincere, vulnerable, profound, pleasurable, ecstatic, and true connexion through love-making, thanks to Tantra, to conscious lovers, to very normal human beings willing to deepen their self-knowledge and ready to put everything in question, I was back here, with light and love to share. I was back with faith and energy, the magic potion to spread what I learned and experienced, so finally, people would love themselves, love their partner(s) and the planet. But I still have to learn patience because it won’t change so quickly. Not now.
Not with that porn.
Not with those poor communication skills.
Not with that shallow connexion, with ourselves, with our partner(s).
Not with these expectations.
Not with all those heavy judgments about bodies, what’s good and what’s not.
Having had the most incredible feeling ever, of being fully myself and fully free, only love and light, I cannot be patient. It has to evolve, it has to change. It’s enough.
Stop making love with your genitals.
Men (and women), please, stop making love with your genitals. We love them, for sure, super useful and beautiful toy, yes, your parents can be proud. But no, hell no, they are not the key of any box, they are not a tool to exploit, a magic wand to make sexy sparks!
Guys especially, your dick is not the Holy Graal!
I am sorry for many of you, but I’ll talk from the standpoint of a white, caucasian, heterosexual woman talking mostly for heterosexual relationship and intercourse, and to men. Because around me, they are more concerned about what I’ll say, even if it can be a mindset to change for women as well. Guys, stop making love with/from your cock, for God sake!
« He was rummaging inside my vagina, as if he was looking for a mysterious button. »
We laugh so much. We love to share ridiculous stories about how men don’t get the point about feminine pleasure. It is not to make fun of anybody. But more to check that it’s not only us, and that our sexual life is not that bad. So we laugh. But it’s not funny.
It is time to educate and to change the way people are having sex, that’s it. The era of the strictly social partnership in marriage is over, we realize commitment can be made of companionship AND love AND sensuality. The goal oriented intercourse with male chauvinist references has to stop, ask your (mostly female) friends.
« I wish I had more time. »
« It is always the same move: he kisses me, touches my breast, goes to see if I’m wet, and starts again and again and again… Waiting for the penetration to happen. »
« I feel pressured, and underpressure I cannot relax. »
« He is not present, or enjoying himself alone. Masturbating with my body. »
« I know he’s expecting me to come, so I cannot relax. »
« He thinks that poking me with his cock is sexy, seriously. »
« No, caressing my face with his penis is not hot, out of the blue. »
And my favourite: « He is rummaging inside my vagina, as if he is looking for a mysterious button. » The absent-minded stimulation, so he can think about anything else while preparing the field for the « proper » sexual intercourse to happen: the holy penetration.
Women, I know it is scary, I know it goes against centuries of patriarcal conditioning, but it is time to say NO, to say STOP. Stop being scared of not being loved, stop looking for approval from lovers who do not listen to you, stop violating yourself by not putting your limits. Enough with shitty intercourses! Imagine what would happen if suddenly, every time you don’t like what happen, you say it. You stop the move. Say your truth, educate your lovers, share informations, bully the social medias with conscious content, for new bedroom rules, for the better good! What would happen if EVERY woman would speak up what is happening in the bedroom?
Make love with your soul. From your soul.
Come together with no other plan but connect and see your partner(s). No other idea but touch their soul, to love their wounds and to know them truly.
Come together as if you had all the time you need, as if it was always the first time, in an endless dance between worshipping the Divine and realizing It in your partner.
I promise, you will experience Life through a completely new perpective.
It doesn’t have to be soft and gentle. It doesn’t have to be sweet and slow, it can be as hard, sharp, crazy and erotic as you want.
Spank, bite, attach, ejaculate (but not too much, remember to keep the energy inside!), penetrate, lick, suck, moan, scream, drip, dream, sing, pray, it doesn’t matter.
What makes the difference if that you stop making love with your genitals, you make love with your soul.
Yes, but no penetration.
In practice, the biggest challenge is to change the mindset of unconscious lovers (or almost conscious ones!). Because we can teach new techniques, but if they carry old patterns it won’t last. And learning a new perspective on things cannot be taught, it has to be lived, to be felt. So I suggest two things when changing the perspective seems not accessible to your lover.
First, women, you can make a comparison between the way you feel in your body, in your Yoni, and the way he feels in his anus. He’s doing crazy moves with his fingers when he’s inside, or he doesn’t remember you told him to go slowly or with care around this area? Ok, so while going slowly toward his butt, if he likes it, warn him. « Honey, I’ll show you something. It is sensitive, right ? It is ultra sensitive, yes? Ok, so when I’m doing this, and this, and this (here, do some crazy moves, but not painful, just surprising ones), you feel a bit insecure about what will arrive to your body? And imagine with a dildo now. This is how I feel when you do this and this and this in my vagina. » We can laugh about that, and it is often to be repeated to be remembered but I swear it works.
Or, second option, for one day, a week or a month, say simply:
« Yes, we can/will make love, but without any penetration. »
Here, you will receive so many various reactions.
« I don’t always have the courage to caress you before we make love. » (considering penetration only is making love and everything else is watering plants?)
« I’m not interested = anything arouse me, except penetration. » (all right, quit porn and start growing up maybe?)
« I don’t have ideas on how to do. » (Let’s get playful baby!)
And here, you can work on something concrete. And if changing the conception of the love-making is too abstract, maybe changing the bed-rules may bring some clarity to some minds. Or penises.
Because eye-starring is making love.
Hugging is making love.
Caressing is making love.
Kissing is making love.
Maybe it is time to reflect on what is love making, truly?
Remember, each time you feel cornered and disappointed, but you love each other and you want to evolve, for a while say yes, but no penetration.